


Chats

by DreamDesire



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Don't expect any breathtaking stories or anything along the lines, Just many different conversations about a lot of different stuff, Multi, Now that we got this off our chests buckle in your seatbelts because this will be a fun ride (:, Yeah that's going to be you if you expect any of the shit I said earlier, You're gonna be disappointed if you do, so don't, try imagining that Hercules disappointed meme if it helps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2020-02-16 19:50:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18698044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamDesire/pseuds/DreamDesire
Summary: A few pesterlogs between random characters written out just for the hell of it. But beware before you jump into the wonderful spectacle of Karkat's anger issues and Sollux' sassy remarks, because these bad boys really have the tendency to either be completely fucking trash or loosely (a lot) drift away from canon. If you still can't fight your unbearable desire to read it, don't say I didn't warn you.Most of them came into being with my best friend and a bunch of little notes we passed each other during school. It's amazing how creative you can get in math class. It's also amazing how much important stuff for the next big test you miss if you don't pay attention.





	1. Karkat & Sollux

carcinoGeneticist [CG]  began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: EVEN THOUGH IT PAINS ME TO EVEN *THINK* ABOUT CELEBRATING YOUR WONDERFUL PRESENCE IN THIS UNIVERSE, I HAVE TO ADMIT I WERE A BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN I AM ANYWAY IF I WOULDN'T SAY THIS.

CG: SOO HAPPY WRIGGLING DAY YOU RETARDED IGNORANT SACK OF SHIT.

TA: oh thank2 KK.

CG: YEAH.

CG: UGH I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR SO LONG. AND WHY IS EVERYONE TURNING 6 BEFORE *I* AM?!

TA: becau2e our wriiggliing day ii2 before your2 dumba22.

CG: NO.

CG: FUCKING.

CG: SHIT.

CG: HOW DUMB DO YOU THINK I AM?

TA: pretty dumb actually.

TA: what even ii2 everyone2 deal wiith iit ii mean why would you even want two become older?

CG: HAH, YEAH I MEAN WE JUST GET SEND OFF OF THIS LARGE SHIT HOLE OF A PLANET TO UNDERGO THE ORDEALS AND FIGHT IN A BIG ASS WAR FOR THE CONDESCE OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT WHEN WE COME OF AGE. WHY DOES OUR SOCIETY SUCK SO FUCKING MUCH?

TA: becau2e everyone who triie2 two change 2omethiing get2 culled.

CG: OH REALLY. I HADN'T NOTICED *SOLLUXTH*.

TA: 2hut up a22head, what diid you expect a2kiing 2uch a 2tupiid que2tiion!

TA: ii hope the next conde2ce ii2 feferii. 2he ii2nt liike... liike that you know.

CG: YEAH RIGHT. YOU DO KNOW THAT SHE WOULD HAVE TO KILL THE CURRENT QUEEN TO GET THE THRONE RIGHT? 

CG: AS IF SHE COULD DO THAT ANYWAY. SHE IS JUST TOO MUCH, WELL, FEFERI.

TA: that2 why ii 2aiid ii hope 2he wiill be the next conde2ce.

TA: and what do you mean 2he ii2 "two feferii"?

CG: DID YOU EVEN *MEET* HER?! THE GIRL BREAKS DOWN SOBBING WHEN ONE OF HER FUCKING FIN-BEASTS GETS HURT. DO YOU REALLY THINK SHE'D HAVE IT IN HER TO DEFEAT ONE OF THE MOST, NO IF NOT *THE* MOST TERRIFYING TROLL IN PARADOX SPACE? I HAVE MY DOUBTS ABOUT THAT.

TA: feferii i2 quiite 2trong you know.

TA: who know2 how 2he wiill be iin a few 2weep2, not that ii really expect her two beat the conde2ce but 2he could 2tiill try.

CG: WELL NONE OF US WILL SEE IT ANYWAY. WE'LL BE LONG GONE WHEN SHE MAKES UP HER PAN AND TRIES TO CHANGE THE EMPIRE.

CG: I SAY LIKE 400 SWEEPS FROM NOW ON? 

CG: MAYBE 450.

TA: ii know damn hemo2pectrum.

CG:: FUCKING HIGHBLOODS AND THEIR RIDICULOUS LIFESPANS.

CG: HEH

TA: heh almo2t 2ound2 liike you are jealou2 KK.

CG: THE DAY I AM JEALOUS OF THESE FUCK ASSES YOU CAN KICK MY BUTT UP TO THE MOONS AND BACK.

TA: 2ure thiing ii wiill do 2o gladly.

CG: YEAH I KNOW YOU WILL IDIOT.

TA: good.

TA: 2o anythiing el2e you wanted two complaiin about?

CG: HEY SHITSPONGE I DIDN'T COMPLAIN, JUST LAID THE FACTS ON THE TABLE.

CG: BUT I HOPE YOU DON'T EXPECT A WRIGGLING GIFT.

TA: why would ii expect a giift ii mean we luckiily arent iin a quadrant or anythiing.

CG: GOD YOU JUST *HAD* TO MAKE IT WEIRD, DIDN'T YOU?

TA: how ii2 iit weiird KK do you want two be iin a quadrant wiith me or what?

CG: ... I COULD FUCKING PUNCH YOU FOR THAT MOVE RIGHT THERE.

TA: you know exactly that thii2 wouldnt be 2mart.

GC: BUT DON'T WORRY I KNOW YOUR BLACK QUADRANT JUST WAITS FOR AMPORA SO I WON'T SQUISH MYSELF BETWEEN YOU TWO.

TA: take that back a22head ii would never ever under any ciircum2tance2 be iin a quadrant wiith ampora.

CG: YEAH KEEP LYING TO YOUSELF.

TA: FUCK YOU KK!

CG: YOU TWO ARE SO PITCH FOR EACH OTHER EVEN *I* WANT TO AUSPISTICE SOMETIMES.

CG: THAT WASN'T AN OFFER THOUGH.

CG: MAYBE KANAYA WOULD BE UP FOR IT.

TA: 2hut up that a22hole doe2nt de2erve any quadrant2 two be fiilled and ii 2ure a2 hell dont need anyone two au2pii2tiice.

CG: IF YOU SAY SO (;

CG: SHIT ALWAYS THE FUCKING HORNS.

CG: (;B

CG: THERE.

TA: 2hut up KK!

CG: OR WHAT?

TA: or iill go pay you a viisiit riight about now and kiick your a22 2o hard you wiill feel iit for the re2t of your liife!

TA: whiich ii2 2hort.

TA: 2tiill! make2 no diifference!

CG: WELL I'M FUCKING WAITING, BULGELORD.

TA: KK what even ii2 your deal wiith quadrant2? iit 2eem2 liike youre ob2e22ed wiith them.

CG: SAYS THE TROLL WITH A BEE FETISH.

TA: what ii dont have a bee fetiish.

CG: YOU LITERALLY LIVE WITH THEM.

TA: they are my pet2.

CG: WELL I'M SORRY I CAN'T HOLD MY FUCKING QUADRANTS AS PETS JUST LIKE YOU HAVE THESE BEES BAECAUSE YOU LIKE THEM, WHERE'S THE DIFFERENCE?!

TA: well at lea2t ii mind my own bu22iine22 and dont try two get everyone iintwo quadrants wiith each other.

CG: GET REAL EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT ERIDAN AND YOU ARE ALWAYS ON EACH OTHER'S THROATS.

TA: 2HUT THE FUCK UP KK!

TA: why ii2 everyone 2o annoyiing twoniight?

CG: I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE BECAUSE IT'S YOUR *GOD DAMN* WRIGGLING DAY?!

TA: not that kiind of annoyiing.

TA: more liike 2hut-the-fuck-up annoyiing.

CG: COULD JUST BE THAT EVERYBODY WE KNOW ARE ASSHOLES.

CG: JUST A GUESS THOUGH.

TA: not everyone.

CG: REALLY.

TA: but almo2t.

CG: WELL THEN WE HAVE SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT OPINIONS ON THAT ONE BUT WHATEVER.

TA: we have diifferent opiiniion2 on almo2t everythiing KK.

CG: SO DO YOU WANT TO, LIKE END THIS CONVERSATION SINCE NONE OF US SEEMS TO HAVE ANY MORE SHIT TO SPAT OUT OF OUR SQUAWK GAPERS.

CG: (DAMN THIS GOT AWKWARD ALL OF A SUDDEN.)

TA: never iin liife were truer word2 2poken by the famou2 karkat vanta2.

CG: JUST DO THE WORLD A FAVOUR AND DIE.

carcinoGeneticist [CG]  ceased trolling  twinArmageddons [TA] 


	2. Terezi & Feferi

gallowsCalibrator [GC]  began trolling  cuttlefishCuller [CC]

GC: H3Y >:] 

CC: )(-E-EY!!! I )(aven't )(eard muc)( of you lately, Terezi. )(ow are you?

GC: 1M V3RY GOOD F3F3R1 4ND YOU 4R3 JUST 4S POL1T3 4S 4LW4YS 1 S33

GC: W3LL 4CTU4LLY 1 DONT R34LLY S33 TH4T BUT YOU KNOW WH4T 1 M34N

CC: )(e)(e of course I am, w)(y wouldn't I be? 38) 

GC: R1GHT

GC: 4NYW4Y 1 W4NT3D TO 4SK 1F YOU H4PP3N TO KNOW WH3R3 SOLLUX 1S

GC: 1 C4NT G3T 4 HOLD OF H1M 4ND YOU S33M TO S33 H1M QU1T3 OFT3N 1F YOU KNOW WH4T 1M S4Y1NG

CC: W)(ale, last time I saw )(im we were at t)(e sea talking and )(e was doing somefin wit)( )(is )(usktop.

CC: Like always I guess.

CC: Glub! 38D

GC: SOO WH3R3D H3 GO 4FT3R TH4T

CC: )(mmm, I t)(ink )(e wanted to go )(ome after t)(at but I'm not s)(ore, sorry. 

CC: W)(y?

GC: 1TS 3XTR3MELY ODD TH4T H3 DO3SNT 4NSW3R M3 ON H1S D3V1C3 DONT YOU TH1NK

GC: M4YB3 W3 H4V3 4 CR1M3 D1R3CTLY B3FOR3 OUR SN1FFNUBS

CC: A CRIM-E? 38O

CC: Sollux is no criminal, Terezi! )(ow can you say somefin t)(is awful?

CC: I'm s)(ore )(e's just very busy. 

GC: TH4TS NOT WH4T 1 M34NT

CC: W)(at else 38? 

GC: 1 M34N TH4T H3 M4Y B3 *V1CT1M* OF 4 CR1M3

GC: BUT DONT WORRY 1 GOT TH1S 

CC: Terezi, no!  

CC: As I said )(e is probubbly just very busy. You're always exaggerating wit)( t)(ese topics. 

GC: OH COM3 ON L3MM3 H4V3 4 L1TTL3 FUN W1LL YOU >:/  

CC: No you will just make a big fuzz about it even t)(oug)( everything)(ing is fin!!

GC: S111111GH

CC: And seasides, no one could )(urt or kill )(im or w)(atever you )(ad in mind t)(at easily. )(e 1s PR-ETTY STRONG after all, )(e)(e! 

GC: 4ND 1 DONT DOUBT TH4T BUT YO  

GC: W41T D1D YOU JUST M4K3 4N 3QU1US PUN >:O 

GC: *SHUDD3RS*

CC: )(u)(? o)(! T)(at's funny, I didn't even notice.  

GC: Y34H 1 KNOW POOR YOU 

GC: SO NO 1NV3ST1G4T1NG TH3N HUH

GC: F1N3 >:/

CC: So w)(at did you want from Sollux anyway if it is t)(at important?  

GC: OH 1 W4NT NOTH1NG 4CTU4LLY 

GC: K4RK4T ON TH3 OTH3R H4ND DO3S 

GC: 4PP3RENTLY H3 H4S SOM3TH1NG V3RY 1MPORT4NT TO D1SCUSS W1TH H1M 4ND H3 JUST WONT SHUT UP 4BOUT 1T  

GC: F3F3R1 1TS UNB34R4BL3 >:[  

GC: SO 1M H3LP1NG H1M F1ND H1M NOW 

CC: Sounds just like Karkat, )(i)(i. 38) 

GC: Y3S

GC: 1ND33D 

CC: S)(ell, )(ow about t)(at? Sollux just texted me. Do you want me to ask )(im w)(ere )(e is?

GC: TH4T WOULD B3 V3RY H3LPFUL  

CC: Alrig)(t. 

CC: )(e Said )(e just came )(ome. Sea? Everyfin is FIN-E.

GC: 1F NOT 1 C4N ST1LL ST3P 1N  

CC: Terezi! 

GC: 4LR1GHT 4LR1GHT 1 WONT

GC: BUT 1 H4V3 TO 4DM1T YOU H4V3 R34LLY H3LP3D M3 W1TH TH4T

GC: NOT TH4T 1 3XP3CT3D 4NY L3SS FROM YOU

CC: GLUB!

CC: You're very w)(alecome, )(e)(e. 

GC: 4ND 1 F33L V3RY WH4L3COM3D 

GC: SN1FF YOU 4ROUND F3F3R1

CC: Of course! Sea you! 

gallowsCalibrator [GC]  ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]


	3. Eridan & Sollux

caligulasAquarium [CA]  began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

[CA] wwhat the actual FUCK did i havve to see back there

[CA] wwhy is fef tryin to make you swwim

[CA] hey fuckin answwer me

[TA] becau2e 2he want2 two 2how me her fii2he2. 

[TA] 2o calm down.

[CA] fef aint supposed to showw ANYONE her fuckin fishes BUT ME

[CA] youre not evven a sea dwweller howw are you planin to do that anyway 

[TA] fiir2t of all why do you even care about that and 2econdly 2top actiing liike 2he belong2 two you you creep.

[TA] learniing two 2wim cant be that hard iif an iidiiot liike you can do iit 2omehow.

[CA] do i havve to repeat myself evvery fuckin night 

[CA] she is my moirail and i havve to keep her awway from bad influences like you 

[TA] how am ii a bad iinfluence?

[TA] iim not the one actiing a2 iif iim above everybody el2e and iim GLAD feferii diidnt adapt to thii2 behaviior whiile you 2pent tiime twogether.

[CA] just shut the fuck up you poison her mind thats howw youre bad for her 

[CA] she doesnt evven wwant to go crab countin wwith me anymore since you angled your wway into one a her a quadrants

[CA] she just wwants to be on land wwith you evvery hour of the night and I cant havve that

[TA] why would 2he even want two count crab2?

[CA] that aint the fuckin point 

[TA] well maybe you 2hould 2tart thiinkiing about what ii have that you dont. iill even giive you a liittle hiint: a liikable per2onaliity and actual re2pect for other2.

[CA] you wwere right not to list honesty in there cause that just wwas a shameless lie 

[TA] come on you know iit wa2nt. 

[CA] wwell first of fuck you 

[CA] secondly fuck you twwice

[CA] yeah thats right I just said twwice shouldnt that get you off wwith your retarded two complex

[TA] your lack of better argument2 ii2 almo2t a2 pathetiic a2 your liife a2 a whole eriidan. 

[CA] shut up you dont evven deservve her

[TA] and you do or what. 

[CA] maybe not but you arent good for her and i wwill do everythin i can to stop this betwween you I swwear to cod 

[TA] good luck wiith that but ii can promii2e you ii wiill kiick your a22 agaiin iif you annoy me two much.

[CA] en gard fuckwwitt 

[TA] iim done here.

[CA] yeah me too

caligulasAquarium [CA]  ceased trolling  twinArmageddons [TA]


	4. Gamzee & Aradia

terminallyCapricious [TC]  began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

TC: HeY, mOtHeRfUcKeR.

TC: hOw'S iT gOiNg?

AA: hi gamzee im fine

AA: Why?

TC: NoThInG iN pArTiCuLaR. jUsT fElT pReTtY pEaChY uP hErE mYsElF AnD wAnTeD tO mAkE sUrE yOu'Re AlL aT bEiNg In A mOtHeRfUcKiN gOoD mOoD, tOo.

TC: CoUlDn'T hElP bUt GeT mY nOtIcE oN hOw YoU rAn PaSt My HiVe, LoOkInG sAlTy. SoMeThInG hApPeNd?

AA: h0w th0ughtful

AA: i just had an argument with vriska and it g0t kind 0f 0ut 0f hand thats it

TC: AwW sHiT sIs, I'm SorRy. YoU wAnNa JaM iT oUt? MoThErFuCkIn PlAtOniCaLly Of CoUrSe.

AA: well like i said she just started bugging me ab0ut stupid things and i kinda l0st it at her

AA: n0thing special

TC: FuCk SiStEr! Is ThErE bEiNg DeVeLoPiNg SoMe MotHeRfUcKiNg BlAcK fEeLiNgS fOr ThE sPiDeR-bItCh?

AA: hell n0 0_0

AA: its just n0rmal hate

AA: n0thing m0re 0r less

TC: HeH, gOt YoU sIs.

TC: SoMeTiMeS a MoThErFuCkEr'S aLl GeTtInG tHeIr HaTe On At aNoThEr OnE aNd ThEy AiN't EvEn WOrTh ThE qUaDrAnT.

AA: yeah happens i guess

AA: i Never liked her t0 be h0nest

AA: 0h well you cant like every0ne

TC: pReAcH tHaT oN AnD oUt, SiStEr!

TC: HoNk HoNk :o)

AA: i sure d0!

AA: s0 is there any0ne y0u d0nt like? y0u seem t0 be friends with alm0st every0ne

TC: NaH, sIs. I aIn'T gOt My HaTe On At NoBodY. tHoUgH sPiDEr SiS dO lIkEs To GiVe Me ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN sCarEs SoMeTiMeS.

AA: then im n0t the 0nly 0ne huh

AA: g00d t0 kn0w th0ugh it seems many 0f us d0nt like vriska 

TC: yEaH, wElL sHe'S jUSt ThAt PeRsOn WhAt LiKeS tO mEsS wItH fUcKErS jUsT fOr ThE fUn Of It, YoU kNoW wHaT i'M sAyInG?

TC: pLuS sHe'S aLwAyS gEtTiNg On tAv'S mOtHeRfUcKiN nErVeS, hE sAiD.

AA: right he t0ld me when we were playing flarp its s0 infuriating!!

AA: he d0esnt even d0 anything hes just being himself

TC: yEaH... :o(

TC: sHiT's DePrEsSiNg, MaN. bUt OnE dAy He'Ll Up AnD gEt HiS wIcKeD cOuRaGe On AnD sTaNd Up To HeR.

TC: tHaT'd Be A fUcKiNg MiRaClE iF tHaT wAs To HaPpEn In FrOnT oUr GlAnCe NuGgEtS! :oD

AA: I h0pe he will vriska needs t0 hear him talking back t0 her

TC: dAmN sTrAiGht SiStEr.

TC: WeLl, NoT tO bE a RuDe MoThErFuCkEr Or NotHiNg BuT i ReAlLy GoTtA gEt ThOsE pIeS rEadY fOr ThE eAt NoW.

TC: bE tAlKiNg At YoU bAcK sOmEtImE aGaIn, SiStEr ByE!

AA: alright g00dbye then 

terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]


	5. Porrim & Kankri

?????? [P]  began trolling ?????? [K]

P: Kanny we need to+ talk abo+ut yo+ur cho+ice o+f clo+thing. No+ resisting.

K: P9rrim if this is a69ut this en9rm9us red sweater y9u made and want me t9 wear, I have t9 p9litely reject 6ecause 9f vari9us reas9ns, 9ne 9f them 6eing - and there I have t9 warn a69ut a few p9tential triggers regarding swear w9rds, hurt feelings and 9ffensiveness - that s9me w9uld descri6e it as "ugly as fuck".

P: Have yo+u seen yo+urself in a mirro+r lately? These high-waist tro+users yo+u're wearing in co+mbinatio+n with this shirt is, to+ put it nicely, simply ho+rrifying. 

P: Besides yo+ur sho+es do+n't match with anything yo+u're wearing at all.

P: Put o+n the sweater.

K: Well, at least y9u can see my nice 6elt!

K: And please try t9 put trigger warnings 9n y9ur messages 6ef9re y9u send them if they, f9r example, disrespect s9me9ne else's cl9thing style.

P: I am no+t disrespecting anyo+nes style. I am trying to+ prevent yo+u fro+m wearing terrible clo+thes.

P: O+h and by the way, yo+ur belt is o+ne o+f the wo+rst things o+f what yo+u're calling an o+utfit. Where did yo+u even get that thing?

K: I must say it is highly unaccepta6le and extremely triggering hearing y9u talk a69ut my 6elt Like that. I didn't think I'd see y9u st99p this l9w, 6ut yet here y9u are disapp9inting me 9nce again, P9rrim. May6e last week's lecture a69ut triggering su6jects wasn't quite en9ugh and we sh9uld all d9 it again.

K: Where I received it y9u ask? That matter is c9nsidered private and I'd rather n9t talk a69ut it in a pu6lic chat, I h9pe y9u can understand.

P: Kanny, the o+nly thing triggering is the way yo+u walk aro+und. And do+n't yo+u dare start talking abo+ut yo+ur triggers again.

P: Yo+u will take that sweater and put it o+n.

P: No+w.

K: N9, I w9n't.

P: Right.

P: No+w. 

K: Y9u can't make me!

P: Sto+p acting like a little wiggler already o+r so+ go+d help me, yo+u will regret it.

K: I just d9n't think it w9uld 6e appr9piate Running ar9und in that c9l9r and theref9re sh9wing 9ff my mutati9n like that. It c9uld 6e highly triggering t9 s9me tr9lls, especially my y9ung Alternian student 9r rather descendent t9 put it m9re th9r9ughly, 6ut I can hardly say n9 when y9u chase me int9 the c9rner like that. 

K: I will wear it, 6ut keep in mind that it is n9t pleasent f9r me and requires m9re than 9ne trigger warning.

P: Finally. Yo+u can be such a pain so+metimes.

K: I will c9me t9 y9u sh9rtly t9 get it.

K: See y9u s99n, P9rrim.

P: Till then.

?????? [P] ceased trolling ?????? [K]


	6. Nepeta & Equius

arsenicCatnip [AC]  began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AC: :33 < hi! guess what i just caught

AC: :33 < its so pawsome you wont believe it!!

CT: D --> Nepeta, though your small build doesn't give it away at first, I know you are e%ceptionally STRONG and I'm certain you made a great catch

AC: :33 < oh i did!

AC: :33 < *ac bounces excitingly on the end of her paws and makes a few happy sounds*

AC: :33 < so i was hunting with my lusus as usual and there was that huge tr33 in my furest

AC: :33 < i think i actually showed it to you sometime, didnt i?

CT: D --> Yes, you did show that to me once

AC: :33 < purrfect

AC: :33 < so right behind that tr33 is this small cr33k right? But beclaws of that rainstorm it was full of water and there were many cuddlefish in there

AC: :33 < hey, youre still listening?

CT: D --> Of course I am

CT: D --> I was merely enjoying a nice glass of cold milk

AC: :33 < ok great! :33

AC: :33 < now as you purrbably know cuddlefish dont live in cr33ks and so i walked along it until i was at its origin

AC: :33 < guess where it was!

CT: D --> Well if there were really fish in there I would say it led you to the ocean

AC: :33 < yes!!

AC: :33 < have you b33n there?! its sooo cool there!

AC: :33 < and you know what? i met feferi too and she took me hunting more or less

AC: :33 < i was on a little boat and she was swimming

AC: :33 < my lusus stayed on the beach though, she isnt very fond of water... anyway i helped fefuri catch a huuge eight-pawed beast and she gave it to her lusus and then she helped me hunt fur meowself a little bit, too

CT: D --> Nepeta, do I have to remind you that the ocean is a very dangerous place

CT: D --> You could have drowned or get eaten by one of the beasts down there

CT: D --> I wouldn't even have been able to protect you in the water if something had happened 

CT: D --> What do you have to say for yourself

AC: :33 < i say that ive b33n in far more dangerous situations and survived no purrblem

AC: :33 < besides, fefuri was there too so she could have purrtected me

CT: D --> It is different with her

CT: D --> You cannot trust sea dwellers

AC: :33 < not true! she is my furiend shell always be on my side and help me when i n33d her! 

AC: :33 < i would do the same fur her and you too if youd actually let me, which you dont claws you think im just a little wiggler!

AC: :33 < and im not btw!

CT: D --> I do not think such 100d thoughts, Nepeta

CT: D --> I am very aware that you have the might to protect yourself and others at any cost

CT: D --> You could since you were three, I was there when you caught your first monstrous beast

CT: D --> And I apologize

CT: D --> But please understand that I still worry

AC: :33 < i know

AC: :33 < thanks

CT: D --> I am proud of you

CT: D --> <>

AC: :33 < *a broad smile appears on acs lips as she jumps into her meowrails open arms*

AC: :33 < hehe :DD

CT: D --> So now would you like to tell me all about your little adventure

AC: :33 < sure!

AC: :33 < so you s33...

.......

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]


	7. Kanaya & Vriska

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling  arachnidsGrip [AG]

GA: We Need To Talk

GA: Its A Rather Serious Matter And I Need Your Help

AG: Heeeeeeeey fuzzy fangs! ::::)

AG: I'd never thought the day you asked me for advice would ever come.

GA: Oh Ahem

GA: I Think I Confused Your Trolltag Im Sorry

GA: But Maybe You Could Also Be Of Assistance 

AG: Wow, Kanaya. Way to ruin the mood.

AG: 8ut it must 8e your lucky day 8ecause I'd still very much like to help you.

AG: What is it?

GA: Alright

GA: You Know Rose Is That Correct

GA: The Human Girl

AG: The one you always stalk on your computer?

AG: Yeah I've seen her once or twice.

GA: I Do Not Stalk Her

AG: Yes?

GA: Yes

GA: I Simply Observe Her Progress

GA: However I Spoke To Her A Few Times And Well

GA: I Think I Like Her

GA: A Lot Actually

GA: And Now I Dare To Say That I Dont Know What To Do Next

AG: You have a flush-crush on the human? 

AG: Omg Kanaya that is soooooooo cute!

AG: W8 till Karkat finds out, this is going to 8e hilarious.

GA: See That Is Exactly Why I Did Not Want To Talk With You About That Topic

GA: You Always Get Quite Amused About Other Trolls Problems

AG: Oh come on, I do not!

AG: Here let me give you some advice to show you how serious I totally am right now.

AG: ASK HER OUT!

GA: Im Really Not The Best At Such Things

GA: How Should I Approach This Asking Her Out

AG: God I don't know!

AG: Just use you 8rain, you're not stupid Kanaya!!

AG: Make some conversation, talk a8out stuff and at some point you go just like "Hey 8y the way, would you like to 8ang an alien sometime? Cause I'd 8e up for it."

AG: I mean how difficult can it get?!

GA: ...

GA: I Dont Think This Conversation Is Going Anywhere

AG: Oh, it's going somewhere alright. ;;;;)

GA: Its Not Going Where I Would Like It To Be Going

AG: You really gotta pull that stick out of your ass!

AG: If you want this girl you have to go and get her! Just take some risks goddammit!

GA: I Will Think About It

GA: Thanks For Your Help

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling  arachnidsGrip [AG]


	8. Meenah & Rufioh

?????? [M] began trolling ?????? [R]

M: not that i care or nofin but how are you doin

M: dont get me on the wrong hook i dont actually wanna know but im pretty bored

R: hey doll. 1'm doing good... what about you?

M: yeh couldnt be better yo

M: all with bein dead and stuff

R: yeah... though 1 have to adm1t 1 actually l1ke 1t... at least 1'm not half robot horse anymore... y'know.

M: heh yeah shit was hilaribubble

M: what was happenin with all of you anywhales when i left to go clampin on the moon

R: a lot of sh*t 1s what was go1ng on... but 1n h1nds1ght 1t was actually... k1nd of h1lar1ous. }:)

M: word 

M: so what r u doin right now

R: not that much, doll.

R: 1 wanted to play f1duspawn... and then you started talk1ng to me.

M: aint that a game for wigglers tho

M: shore hope youre not playin with megido for your sake

M: she still so weird?

R: nah, damara 1s st1ll angry at me.

M: welp guess you cant blame anemone but yourself

M: just kiddin i dont have the slightest shell bout what went down between you two

R: hm... probably my fault... 1 broke up w1th her to be w1th horrus so...

M: yeah very fascishellting 

M: i reely LOV-E hearin my fellow anglers relationship (heh ship) problems

M: just fuckin dig it

R: oh... erm r1ght... sorry.

R: so anyth1ng spec1al go1ing on over there wherever you are r1ght now?

M: naw just hidin from serket and one of her loooong stories

M: girl be talking my fins off one day

R: hehe... yeah she 1s really talk1ng a lot.

R: 1 k1nda l1ke her stor1es though.

M: oouuuhhhh nitram I didnt know you had an eye on her

M: should i like dive in and "make it happen" cause id totes be up for that

R: 1 don't have and eye on her! ... 1 just l1ke how she tells everyth1ng w1th such pass1on... that's 1t.

R: why does everyone always th1nk 1 have a crush the m1nute 1 let a compl1ment sl1p out my mouth.

M: cause its true duh

M: whatev man i dont wanna get all deep into your relation (hehehe pffffff) ships like that thats still leijons job

M: i think

R: 1t's not true meenah... 1 just had two relat1onsh1ps as of now... 1t's not that much... 1 mean look at maryam, doll.

R: she had l1ke someth1ng w1th everyone but ampora. }:/

M: fin you win

R: thanks.

M: your whalecome 

M: sea? we just swim great together 38D

M: why dont we talk more

R: 1 dunno... guess you never wanted to?

M: hmm true

M: oh shoot there comes serket

M: i gotta go but it was nice bubblin with you casanova

M: be seein you

R: yeah, have fun runn1ng from her.

?????? [M] ceased trolling ?????? [R]


	9. Sober!Gamzee & Tavros

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]

TC: hey.

AT: oH, hEY GAMZEE }:)

TC: SO WHAT IS A BROTHER ALL TO BE GETTING HIS MOTHER FUCKIN FOCUS OCCUPIED WITH RIGHT MOTHER FUCKIN NOW?

AT: uH, nOTHING SPECIAL, i WAS JUST, yOU KNOW, cHILLING IN MY BLOCK, sITTING AROUND LIKE USUAL

TC: yeah.

TC: CHILLING IS THE MOTHER FUCKIN WORD A MOTHER FUCKER COULD ALL BE USING FOR ME NOW, TOO.

AT: wELL, tHAT'S GREAT 

AT: uHM, aCTUALLY I DO HAVE SOME PLANS FOR LATER

TC: what are them wicked plans of yours, brother?

AT: i WAS GOING TO PLAY SOME FIDUSPAWN WITH TINKERBULL 

TC: MOTHER FUCKER,

TC: i still got my remember on to how we were all mother fuckin doing that shit. 

TC: LIKE THE CLOSEST OF BROS WE ALL BUT USED TO MOTHER FUCKIN BE. 

AT: aREN'T WE ANYMORE, cLOSE I MEAN

TC: yeah, we motherfuckin are...

TC: CLOSE AS EVER.

TC: if you think so, too.

AT: wELL, i DO THINK SO

TC: :o)

TC: that's good. 

AT: uhm, yEAH IT IS,

TC: YOU JUST GOTTA MOTHERFUCKIN PROMISE ME ONE THING, BRO. 

TC: watch out for unrighteous spider-bitches and

TC: TRY NOT TO MOTHER FUCKIN

TC: lose your pan.

TC: ;o) 

AT: uHHHH,

AT: sURE, wHY WOULDN'T I WATCH OUT FOR SOMETHING, aS AWFUL AS THIS 

TC: you tell me, bro.

TC: WHEN YOUR EYES ARE ALL STARRING AT ME FUNNY AND LIFELESS IN THE MOTHER FUCKIN FUTURE.

TC: don't look to me like you watched the mother fuck out. 

AT: uHH, wHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, gAMZEE 

TC: I'M TALKING ABOUT HOW EVERY FUCKIN THING UP AND GONE BAD HERE. 

TC: makes a mother fucker wish his best motherfuckin bro was still there.

AT: wAIT, sO YOU'RE FROM THE FUTURE RIGHT 

AT: tHEN COULDN'T YOU JUST TELL US WHAT WENT WRONG, sO WE WON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES, i MEAN TECHNICALLY

TC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

TC: nah, bro. ain't supposed to be doing this shit.

TC: AIN'T HEALTHY FOR THE ALPHA TIMELINE, YOU FEEL? 

AT: oH, eRM, i SEE }:( 

TC: yeah you be seeing this motherfuckin right. 

TC: CAN'T GET MY SNIFFNUB ALL UP IN BUSINESS WHAT AIN'T MINE.

TC: don't have the right.

AT: sO, i'M GOING TO DIE SOON, iS THAT RIGHT, 

TC: WELL, WHO ALL UP AND KNOWS? 

TC: i sure as fuck don't. 

TC: xo) 

AT: bUT, bUT YOU JUST SAID SO YOURSELF

TC: heh

AT: gAMZEE, i DON'T WANT TO DIE }:c 

TC: MAN, YOU AIN'T GOTTA BE CRYING ABOUT IT NONE. 

TC: sometimes shit just gotta happen... 

AT: }:(

TC: TO GET THE BEST MOTHER FUCKIN OUTCOME THERE IS.

AT: bUT, wHY DO I HAVE TO DIE TO, uHM, tO SUCCEED

TC: motherfucking

TC: SHENANIGANS, MAN.

TC: they're all up and everywhere.

AT: i SEE,,, 

TC: SORRY BRO, BUT I GOTTA BOUNCE.

TC: bye.

terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]


	10. Nepeta & Karkitty :33

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CC]

AC: :33 < *ac cr33ps up on her latest subject of interest and makes herself purready to pounce*

AC: :33 < h33y! :33

CC: WOW. 

CC: JUST FUCKING WOW.

AC: :33 < *ac looks confused and also a little worried at her furriend and wonders what is wrong with him now*

AC: :33 < wow what?

CC: OF ALL THE PEOPLE I COULD HAVE BEEN TROLLED RIGHT NOW OF COURSE IT JUST *HAD* TO BE YOU. NOW I PAWWWWBABLY HAVE TO THROW EVERY LAST BIT OF SELF RESPECT OVER THE FUCKING BOARD AND PUT UP WITH STUPID ROLEPLAYING AND TERRIBLE CAT PUNS. 

AC: :33 < but i just wanted to tell you something pawkat

CC: WHAT COULD IT BE THIS TIME? 

CC: AND DON'T CALL ME THAT!

AC: :33 < why not? it sounds so cute 

CC: WHAT NO IT DOESN'T! SHUT UP.

AC: :33 < also about what i wanted...? i think i might actually be better off telling someone else about it 

AC: :33 < you s33m very busy 

CC: OH COME ON NEPETA. 

CC: AFTER YOU SUCCESSFULLY PULLED ME AWAY FROM MY PREVIOUS ACTIVITIES, MADE ME READ THROUGH YOUR ANNOYING QURIK, AND EVEN MANAGED TO TURN MY FUCKING NAME INTO A PUN, YOU CAN TELL ME AS FUCKING WELL WHAT YOU WANTED TO TELL ME *IN THE FIRST ***SHIT EATING*** PLACE*!!!!

AC: :33 < well ok.. so it actually is more of a question and i thought you could help me purrhaps

CC: YES, PLEASE TELL ME YOUR QUESTION BECAUSE APPARENTLY I AM SOMEHOW THE HOLY ANSWER TO EVERY SINGLE QUESTION IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE. 

CC: WHY DO YOU IDIOTS ALWAYS COME TO ME WITH THIS SHIT?

AC: :33 < beclaws youre our leader

CC: OH YEAH. 

CC: YOU'RE RIGHT. 

AC: :33 < ok so hypurrthetically speaking  

AC: :33 < say there is someone i like that is just a tiny bit like erm fur example you

AC: :33 < how should i tell that purrson without making them throw a tantrum or something  

CC: DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST ASK ME FOR A ROMANTIC ADVICE? 

AC: :33 < uhm

CC: BECAUSE IF YOU DID

CC: YOU'RE AT THE RIGHT ADDRESS. 

AC: :33 < is that... sarcatsm? 

AC: :33 < sorry sometimes i cant tell :(( 

CC: NO IT FUCKING ISN'T NEPETA AND NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME TALK BEFORE YOU MAKE MY PAN EXPLODE WITH THESE PUNS. 

AC: :33 < alright :33

CC: OK SO HERE WE GO.

CC: YOU HAVE SOMEONE YOU'RE FEELING RED FOR. DID I GET YOU RIGHT.

AC: :33 < yes

CC: GOOD.

CC: NOW THERE ARE A FEW METHODS TO WIN THEIR PUSHER. WHICH OF THESE METHODS YOU'LL HAVE TO USE DEPENDS ON WHICH SITUATION YOU'RE IN WITH YOUR FLUSH CRUSH.

CC: I'M GOING TO TELL YOU THE SITUATIONS THAT YOU COULD BE IN AND YOU'RE GOING TO CHOOSE THE MOST RIGHT ONE. 

CC: UNDERSTOOD?

AC: :33 < yes sir!

CC: 1. YOUR CRUSH ACKNOWLEDGES YOU AND YOU TWO HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP FROM WHICH YOU COULD EASILY ENTER THE RED QUADRANT.

CC: 2. YOUR FLUSH CRUSH PRETTY MUCH FUCKING HATES YOUR GUTS AND WANTS TO HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

CC: 3. YOU'RE PRETTY SURE YOUR CRUSH IS AS LEAST AS FLUSHED FOR YOU AS YOU ARE FOR THEM. 

CC: 4. YOU NEVER SPOKE A WORD WITH THEM AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU EXIST.

CC: SO WHICH ONE IS IT? 

AC: :33 < i think the furst one fits purrfectly fine 

CC: OK SO LETS SEE. 

CC: IF THAT'S THE CASE I SUGGEST YOU MAKE A FEW HINTS AT THEM THAT SHOW IN WHICH DIRECTION YOU WANT YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO GO FROM NOW. 

CC: IF THEY DON'T GET THE HINTS YOU SHOULD JUST ASK THEM DIRECTLY AND IF THEY FEEL THE SAME IT'S GOING TO BE ONE HELL OF A FLUSHED NIGHT FOR THE BOTH OF YOU. 

AC: :33 < but i already tried it with hints and i dont think you could call me purready to tell him yet

CC: DIDN'T HE GET IT.

AC: :33 < i dont know

AC: :33 < i dont think so

CC: MAN WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

AC: :33 < he isnt

AC: :33 < i mean not always anyway 

CC: NO SERIOUSLY, THIS GUY FUCKING SUCKS IF HE DOESN'T GET *YOUR HINTS*.

CC: I MEAN IT'S YOU! 

CC: NO OFFENSE.

AC: :33 < none taken

AC: :33 < but dont say all this mean stuff about him you dont even know who im talking about

CC: I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D WANT TO TELL ME?

AC: :33 < nope :33

CC: BUT I'M ACTUALLY THINKING THAT YOU POURING OR RATHER PURRING OUT YOUR FEELINGS TO HIM MIGHT BE THE BEST STRATEGY IN YOUR CASE.

CC: I MEAN WHAT CAN HAPPEN RIGHT.

AC: :33 < well ok

AC: :33 < im going to tell him 

CC: YEAH SEE, THAT'S THE SPIRIT! 

>AC: :33 < heh 

CC: YEAH YOU GO TELL HIM AND I'LL GO BACK TO MY BUSINESS NOW.

CC: GOOD LUCK, NEPETA. 

AC: :33 < wait! 

CC: I THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT. 

carcinoGeneticist [CC] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]


	11. Sollux & Eridan

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

TA: hey a22head ii heard feferii broke up your moiiralegiiance, how diid that happen all of a 2udden?

CA: a fuckin course you wwould rub that in my face the moment you heard a it

CA: do you havve no self respect wwhatsoevver 

TA: that ha2 nothiing two do wiith 2elf re2pect.

TA: hone2tly youre gettiing 2adder and 2adder by the miinute empora.

TA: iif that2 even po22iible.

CA: fuck you sol

CA: dont think youvve wwon this im gonna get her back YOU HEAR ME

TA: yeah riight. 

TA: and ju2t how are you goiing two do that?

TA: no waiit dont tell me yet ii bet ii can fiigure iit out my2elf let2 2ee...

CA: sol im wwarning you

TA: hey iive got iit youll ju2t u2e that non exii2tiing charme of your2 thatll work for 2ure.

TA: yeah ii can even piicture iit iin my head, iit2 a2 iif youre really 2tandiing iin my block riight now cryiing your eye2 out over her dumpiing your a22 AGAIIN. 

TA: oh waiit iit2 gettiing better! now youre on your knee2 beggiing and screamiing.

TA: ewww youre blowiing your no2e on my carpet.

TA: now that2 ju2t dii2gu2tiing.

CA: grrrhhhhhhhshjjsjhh fuckyoufuckyoufuckyouFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU!!!! i hate you so much you pathetic little scum a shit howw can she choose you ovver me i just dont get it

CA: you cant evven help her wwith her custodian and i did that for swweeps 

TA: ok eriidan thii2 ii2 ju2t a thought but maybe 2he cho2e me becau2e you were overprotectiive, never left her alone, and are 2o fuckiin needy ii dont under2tand why 2he diidnt leave earliier or wanted two be your moiiraiil iin the fiir2t place.

CA: you better wwatch wwhat youre sayin captor

TA: or what fiishface?

CA: wwe can havve a duel plain and simple as that

CA: tomorroww night you wwith your wweird lightshoww shit and me with science its fuckin time wwe clarified that business betwween us

TA: alriight fiine wiith me but you wont havve the 2liighte2t chance.

CA: yeah wwell see about that

TA: 2ure wiill.

CA: yeah 

TA: what do you want two prove wiith that anyway feferii wont take you back, periiod.

CA: at least i can provve that wway im much better than you and maybe fef wwill see that too wwhen youre lyin on the ground cryin like a wwiggler once im done

TA: iif you thiink the only thiing 2he care2 about ii2 2trenght than you are 2o fuckiing wrong. man you dont even know her, do you?

TA: be2iide2 the one cryiing iin 2hame wiill be you when iim fiinii2hed beatiing you up.

CA: like i said wwell see wwhos gonna cry

CA: it sure aint me i can promise you that much

TA: liiar you know iim way 2tronger than youll ever be.

CA: this isnt evven possible from biological sides and you should knoww that

CA: she and i are meant to be abovve the rest a you

TA: fuck you and your entle22 blood bull2hiit liiterally no one but you care2 about that anymore and wiith the riight tactiic ii 2ure a2 feferii love2 me wiill beat the 2hiit out of you tomorrow!

CA: i havve to admit i cant wwait to see you try that

CA: farewwell dipshit

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]


	12. Feferi & Nepeta & Karkat

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

CC: )(ey, )(ow's it going? GLUB!!

CC: I )(ope everyt)(ing is alright)(t because I'm )(aving a CLAMTASTIC nig)(t! 38D

AC: :33 < *ac smiles brightly at her furiend* i am doing purrfectly fine

AC: :33 < oh by the way i wanted to know if youd like to m33t up sometime again

AC: :33 < i dont know, maybe drink some tea and eat cake and talk

CC: O)( s)(ore!

CC: I would reely like to meet up wit)( you Nepeta. 

CC: But we )(AV-E to invite Kanaya, too! You know s)(e'd GLUBBING LOV-E t)(at!

AC: :33 < thats gonna be pawsome with the both of you

AC: :33 < im going to make chameowmile tea and maybe kanaya could make some cake shes really good at baking

CC: OMG!! T)(at's going to be SO MUC)( FUN! I can't even remclamber t)(e last time we did somefin like t)(is.

AC: :33 < yeah i know right? im looking forpawed to it maybe we could invite aradia too

AC: :33 < and terezi and equius :33

AC: :33 < what do you think?

CC: Y-ES!!! 

CC: We could even ask Crab-kat!

AC: :33 < oh erm yeah maybe

AC: :33 < but youll ask him alright

CC: S)(ore, I can do t)(at don't worry.

AC: :33 < purrfect this will be great :33

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

 

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CC: )(i Karcrab!

CC: )(ow are you?

CG: I'M FINE. WHY ARE YOU ASKING?

CC: W)(ale Nepeta and I wanted to invite you to our teaparty. Do you want to come?

CC: It'll be a LOT of fun I can promise t)(at. )(e)(e

CG: OH YEAH, SURE!

CG: WHILE WE'RE AT IT, DO YOU THINK I SHOULD BRING MY MAGIC UNICORN WITH ME SO IT CAN PISS RAINBOWS IN OUR CUPS BEFORE WE DRINK THE TEA TO ENHANCE THE FLAVOUR?

CC: )(ey t)(at's mean! Seasides, you came last time so w)(y not now? Kayana and Equius will be coming too.

CG: DO I LOOK LIKE I WANT FUCKING SWEAT IN MY TEA? 

CG: DO I LOOK LIKE THAT?????

CC: Karcrab you don't N-E-ED to sit next to Equius. Please it will be a lot of fun. It always was 38/

CG: NO FUCK THAT! LAST TIME WE DID THAT WE WERE LIKE FOUR AND A HALF SWEEPS OLD. WE'RE ALMOST SIX NOW! THAT STUFF'S FOR WIGGLERS.

CC: But t)(e more we are t)(e better it will be! You just don't want to come because none of your good friends are t)(ere, rig)(t?

CG: HA, WHAT GOOD FRIENDS? 

CG: SOLLUX?????

CG: YEAH RIGHT. I WOULD REALLY ENJOY TO PICK ANOTHER FIGHT WITH HIM OVER A GOOD CUP OF TEA. WHAT A LOVELY THOUGHT INDEED.

CC: ... You reely are no fun.

CC: Fine! I'll ask someone else t)(en. Just know t)(at Nepeta will be sad if you don't s)(ow up tomorrow.

CG: BOO-FUCKING-HOO!

CC: W)(y do you be)(ave like suc)( an ass)(ole????

CC: Do you WANT everyone to )(ate you? Cause you're doing a wonderful job at it.

CC: You know Nepeta reely, R-E-ELY likes you and was looking forward to sea you and now you just won't come.

CC: God, you're worse t)(an Eridan!!!

CC: Maybe I'll just ask him instead... or not... hm 38(

CG: OH GOD CALM YOUR HYPERVENTILATING GILLS FEFERI. YOU KNOW WHAT?

CG: BEFORE YOU CRASH THIS PARTY WITH EVEN MORE FISHNESS I'M GONNA COME OK?

CG: BE PREPARED TO MAKE SOME ROOM IN YOUR SYSTEM BECAUSE WE'RE THE FUCK ABOUT TO DRINK SOME TEA!

CC: GLUB! 38D

CC: T)(ank you Karkat!

CG: DON'T FUCKING MENTION IT.

CG: EVER.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

CC: )(ey Nepeta, I just wanted to tell you t)(at Karcrab would be more t)(an )(appy to come join us. 38)

CC: )(e even almost didn't make a fuss about it.

CC: W)(at about t)(e ot)(ers? Will t)(ey be t)(ere?

AC: :33 < oh yeah equius was purrfectly fine with the clawdea from the beginning and kanaya was happy to come too! 

AC: :33 < i think it will be even greater now with karkat don't you think? :33

CC: Yes, I'm s)(ore it will.

CC: Well sea you t)(en! 

AC: :33 < bye

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]


	13. (Karkat & Gamzee)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we have the ghost of a dead Game Over Karkat writing out his feelings to his former palemate because I felt like he never really got the chance to tell Gamzee his opinion after he witnessed first hand what he was capable of.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

CG: HELLO?

CG: ARE YOU THERE.

CG: WELL THAT'S OK. I DIDN'T EXPECTED YOU TO ACTUALLY BE THERE ANYWAY.

CG: SO..

CG: GUESS I'LL JUST SAY WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AND GO BACK TO MY BUSINESS.

CG: OK FIRST OFF, DID YOU ACTUALLY ENJOY DOING ANY OF THE CRAP YOU DID? I SERIOUSLY CAN'T TELL.

CG: AND I DARE TO SAY I KNEW YOU BETTER THAN ANY OF US.

CG: I TRUSTED YOU AT ONE POINT. AND WHAT DID IT GET ME?

CG: YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

CG: *I* WAS THE ONE WHO FISHED YOU OUT OF THESE SELF-DESTRUCTING SHIT WALLS YOU WERE BUILDING AROUND YOURSELF BECAUSE GOD KNOWS WHY!!

CG: **I** WAS THE ONE WHO NEVER GAVE UP ON YOU AND TOOK YOU BACK TO THE GROUND WHEN YOUR PAN STARTED ROCKETING TO THE FUCKING STARS WITH THE TASK TO KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF US ON THE WAY.

CG: I FUCKING ***SHOOSHED***YOU HOPING IT'D SAVE YOU AND GODDAMN *MEAN* SOMETHING!!!!

CG: AND

CG: AND FOR A WHILE I THOUGHT IT DID.

CG: GAMZEE MAKARA, IF OUR MOIRALLEGIANCE WAS NOTHING MORE THAN JUST ANOTHER STEP IN YOUR SICK SPIEL OF TAKING OVER THE UNIVERSE WITH PURPLE COD PIECES OR SOMETHING, YOU'RE EVEN WORSE THAN I ORIGINALLY THOUGHT.

CG: AND ALSO ONE HELL OF AN ACTOR BECAUSE I FELT SOMETHING.

CG: CALLING YOU MY "MOIRAIL" FUCKING MEANT SOMETHING TO ME. AND SOMEHOW I STILL THINK THAT GOES FOR YOU, TOO.

CG: BUT I'M NOT HERE TO DWELL ON GOOD MEMORIES BETWEEN US. CAUSE EVEN THE BEST ONES WERE JUST IN A DARK BLOCK ON TOP OF AN UNCOMFORTABLE PILE OF HORNS.

CG: IT WAS SHITTY.

CG: AND THEN THERE WAS THAT THING WITH TEREZI.

CG: WHO THE BULGE SUCKING FUCK SHAT YOU IN THE HEAD TO THINK YOU COULD JUST KEEP DOING THIS TO HER WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES??

CG: YOU HURT HER. YOU HURT HER WAY MORE THAN IT WAS NECESSARY IN ANY BLACK ROMANCE.

CG: WHEN I FOUND HER THAT DAY - HALF NACKED LYING ON THE FLOOR, DRUNK ON FAYGO AND JUST... BROKEN - IT DID SOMETHING TO ME.

CG: I'VE SPENT MUCH TIME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO WAS TO BLAME FOR THIS.

CG: I THOUGHT ABOUT HOW IT WAS ALL MY FAULT BECAUSE I DIDN'T KEEP AN EYE ON YOU, DIDN'T CALM YOU DOWN ENOUGH WHEN YOU NEEDED IT. I ALSO SEARCHED FOR MISTAKES TEREZI HERSELF MADE, LIKE LOOKING UP TOO MUCH TO HER ANCESTOR OR NOT TALKING TO ANYONE ABOUT HER INNER STRUGGLE.

CG: HEH, FUNNY HOW YOU HAD TO KILL ME FIRST FOR ME TO FINALLY GET IT RIGHT.

CG: IT WAS YOUR FAULT.

CG: YOU FLIPPED YOUR SHIT IN THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE TIME ONE CAN IMAGINE, YOU ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT THIS WEIRD RELIGIOUS STUFF IN OUR JAMS WHEN I JUST NEEDED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO ME, *YOU* FUCKED WITH TEREZI'S MIND JUST TO SCREW US ALL OVER, AND I STILL DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW **WHY** YOU DID ALL THAT.

CG: YOU JUST KIND OF DISAPPEARED WHEN WE REACHED THE NEW SESSION, AND THE NEXT THING I SEE IS YOU BEATING THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF THE GIRL I HAPPENED TO REALLY, REALLY LIKE!

CG: AND THEN... WELL, WE BOTH KNOW WHAT CAME NEXT.

CG: HEY, WHAT WENT DOWN AFTER THE SWEET SALVATION OF DEATH EMBRACED MY BLEEDING AND BURNING BODY? DID KANAYA MURDER YOU IN THE MOST GRUESOME WAY POSSIBLE? SHE LOOKED PRETTY PISSED OFF AT YOU FROM WHERE I WAS STANDING.

CG: I HOPE SHE DID, YOU'D DESERVE IT.

CG: AND AFTER THAT? DID THE REST OF YOU TEAR EACH OTHER APPART?

CG: HONESTLY? I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED. THAT TIMELINE WAS PROBABLY DOOMED THE MOMENT I DECIDED TO SHOOSH-PAP YOUR ASS RIGHT THE FUCK DOWN.

CG: I'M JUST THE KING OF GOOD LIFE CHOICES, AIN'T I?

CG: ANYWAY, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO WASTE ANY MORE OF MY PRECIOUS, INFINITE DREAM BUBBLE-GHOST-TIME ON YOU.

CG: YOU'RE NOT WORTH IT.

CG: I TYPED DOWN WHAT I WANTED YOU TO KNOW, AND THE REST IS NOT UP TO ME.

CG: READ IT OR LEAVE IT, BRO.

CG: WE ARE DONE.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did he read it?


	14. Karkat & Sollux

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: HEY, ARE YOU THERE? 

TA: 2ure am. what2 up KK?

CG: I'M SURPRISED YOU EVEN FOUND YOUR HUSKTOP BETWEEN ALL THESE DISGUSTINGLY SLOPPY MAKEOUTS WITH FEFERI, YOU INCREDIBLE SHAMELESS DOUCHE.

TA: ok normally iid ju2t be annoyed by the way you u2e your 2arca2tiic, unfunny me22age2 two try and griind me down two your level of chroniic every-day depre22iion, but now iim actually ju2t amu2ed a2 fuck.

TA: you jealou2 bro? you almo2t 2ound liike ampora ju2t a liittle le22..

TA: fiishy.

CG: YEAH RIGHT, I'M SO FUCKING JEALOUS OF YOU AND YOUR RED SHOW WE HAVE TO SEE DAY IN DAY OUT THAT MY EVENING PLANS HAVE JUST TURNED INTO A NICE ROUND OF CRYING AND HIDING IN SOME HOLE NO ONES GONNA FIND ME IN EVER. YOU FIGURED IT OUT. 

TA: are you alriight man? you 2eem out of iit. ii mean, more than u2ual.

CG: WHY, THANK YOU FOR ASKING. I'M GOOD. FUCKING GREAT IF YOU WILL.  

TA: ...well iif you 2ay 2o.

CG: YES, I'M GOOD. YOU'RE GOOD. EVERYTHING'S JUST FINE! NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ANY DEMON-DOGS OR HUMAN ALIENS THAT GONNA FUCK UP OUR LIVES ONCE WE MEET THEM IN PERSON.

CG: MAN SOLLUX, USE YOUR PAN! HOW CAN YOU EVEN *THINK* ABOUT MAKING OUT ALL DAY?! 

TA: oh my god ii cant beliieve iim haviing thii2 conver2atiion riight now. 

TA: yeah ii know all that KK, iim not 2tupiid. but alway2 worryiing about 2omethiing ii2nt goiing two make iit go away. we just have two waiit and 2ee what 2olutiion2 wiil come out of thii2. and iin-between, there2 2ome tiime for love. 

CG: HA! THAT JUST SHOWS HOW IGNORANT YOU REALLY ARE. HOW CAN I RUN AROUND VOMITING HAPPY FEELINGS WHEN I'M THE LEADER THAT HAS TO STOP YOUR ASSES FROM FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT?! AND SOLUTIONS "DON'T JUST COME OUT OF THIS", YOU HAVE TO WORK THEM OUT. AND THAT REQUIRES TIME. AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M DOING. SO THE TIME YOU USE TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE IN THE COMMON ROOM, I SPEND PONDERING HOW WE'LL ACTUALLY GET ALIVE OUT OF THIS FUCKED UP SCENARIO!

TA: oh thank you for thii2 ii wa2 wonderiing when iid get my daiily refiill of karkat-iinduced miigranes. ii thiink iim developiing a fetiish for iit.

CG: EWW! 

TA: 2eriiou2ly though, no one2 fliipiing out except maybe eriidan and gamzee but he2 not talkiing to anybody anyway. 

CG: WELL YEAH BUT THAT WAS LESSON ENOUGH FOR ME. AND IF THESE TWO COULD FLIP, THEN THE REST OF YOU PROBABLY CAN TOO. AND BEFORE WE ALL KNOW IT, EVERYONE IS RUNNING BERSERK WITH ME STANDING IN THE MIDDLE, THINKING ABOUT WHAT A BIG FUCK UP I AM.  

CG: THANKS, BUT NO THANK YOU. 

TA: Aww, don't worry crabcatc)(, I don't t)(ink you're a fuck-up. 38)

CG: WAIT, SHE IS *READING* ALL OF THIS TOGETHER WITH YOU??!?! 

TA: ehehe, 2orry KK.

CG: OH MY GOD YOU INSUFFERABLE NOOK FUCKER!!

CG: I'M GONNA COME AFTER YOU SO HARD! JUST YOU WAIT, I'M GONNA-

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] 


End file.
